


Ineffable Gods

by dorkylokifan



Category: Good Omens (TV), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Good Omens/Thor Crossover, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Multi, Ragnarok, the snap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:28:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25277722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkylokifan/pseuds/dorkylokifan
Summary: The Good Omens/ Thorki crossover nobody asked for. Just before the snap Crowley recounts to Aziraphale a special power Loki has right after Ragnarok. A power to resurrect the dead. When the snappening happens, half of all people disappear, including one of the ineffable husbands. To bring him and all the others back, he must first finish Ragnarok.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 30





	1. In every beginning, there is Loki

**Author's Note:**

> Another fluffy apocalypse. Enjoy.

It is said that I am a jealous God, and well…I am. To be fair, there are no other gods like me. But there are other gods and it would appear, mighty though some of them are, they are not all-powerful. Even a god needs a hand every now and again, and I am not against the occasional truce. And to be honest, recent events have ruined my ineffable plan. I am nothing if not a practical god. And so, with half of my universe snapped out of existence by that giant purple brat, I have no choice but to elicit a couple of trusted allies to help rectify the situation.

** On the Day of the Snappening… **

****

Aziraphale cried out when a book of Norse Mythology fell off the high shelf and bonked him square on the head.

“Is everything alright Angel?” Crowley peered over his novel at him from his comfy high-backed armchair.

“Oh, silly thing. This old book on Norse Gods fell off of the shelf.” He noted that it had opened to the section regarding Ragnarök.

“Oh, yes. I’ve met some of them.”

“What? You have? The Almighty doesn’t like competition.”

“I bet he doesn’t. But he never has anything to fear from that lot. They are cursed to relive the same cycle over and over. Although their roles and faces change each time, I can always tell which one is Loki. She’s my favorite. Or he. It changes.”

“Really? That explains a lot!”

“What does?”

“Well, for starters, like this book, for example, has a chapter on Ragnarök. How could humans possibly know Thor’s future when it hasn’t happened yet?”

“Maybe Mrs. Nutter wrote another book,” Crowley said, trying to get back to reading. But Aziraphale continued.

“Or why certain details don’t match up. Like, this one. It says that Loki is Odin’s blood brother. But according to Thor, Loki is his brother, not his father’s.”

“Yes, yes. Very interesting Angel.”

“Oh, come now. You can’t tell me you’ve met real gods and then not give me any details. What are they like?”

Crowley rolled his eyes and put down his book. “They’re like regular people. But you know, more magical. They’re more like us, I’d say. They certainly aren’t all-powerful. If they were, they’d break free from that cycle they’re stuck in.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ragnarök,” Crowley said. Aziraphale wasn’t getting it and Crowley resigned himself to storytime. “Every time Asgard is destroyed and Thor and Loki die, their entire race and world are reset. Like Eden, all over again. Asgard is reformed, and the story of their people restarts anew.”

“You said their roles changed? What do you mean?”

“Well, and this was before I fell from heaven, the first time I ever met Loki was when she was a girl. I think in that iteration she was Thor’s cousin. They were betrothed you see. They were actually quite good together, and very happy. But Loki is a chaos god and she always manages to muck everything up in a way that gets everyone killed. It’s very tragic. I liked her immediately.”

“Oh, did you?”

“Angel, are you jealous?”

“No,” he said with a lilt to his voice. Crowley grinned.

“Anyway, the next time when they all came back, Thor was still Odin’s son but Loki was a blue man from Jotunnheim and they were bitter enemies. And this one was even more tragic because at one point they were imprisoned together and fell in love but there was a war going on and, in the end, Loki got Thor killed. Then he killed himself. It was like Romeo and Juliet.”

“That’s terrible,” Aziraphale sat down, munching on popcorn that had magically appeared from nowhere.

“You know, it’s a strange thing. I’ve noticed that when Asgard is destroyed and Loki and Thor both are dead, that’s when everything resets. It’s almost like Thor and Loki can’t be dead at the same time. But I could be wrong about that.”

“So, what happens when Asgard resets?”

“Well, I only saw this once, and I suspect it is one of the reasons the Almighty is jealous of other gods, but Loki came back from the dead and he told me something heartbreaking. He said that he wanted to be someone else. Someone happy, and then he snapped his fingers. Loki disappeared. Asgard reformed. All of its people returned healthy and alive, save for Thor and Loki. They always get reborn sometime later.”

“That is absolutely fascinating. So, Loki has the power of resurrection. Can he do that anytime he wants?”

“I don’t think so. I think he has to die first.”

“Do they ever remember their past lives?”

“Not that I can tell. Like, this time, Thor and Loki are brothers, not genetically but that relationship is troubling.”

“How so?”

“Well, in most of their previous iterations, they were lovers. At least, in the ones where they were happiest. It makes me wonder if Thor and Loki, this time around…you know…”

“Oof. Can’t say I approve of that.”

“I’ll say. Everything about Loki’s attack on New York City screamed lover’s quarrel.”

“Such a shame. I did find him rather dashing, even though he was a villain.”

“You did?” Crowley asked, looking discomfited. Aziraphale gave him one of his sweet smiles.

“He rather reminded me of you.”

“Did he now? In what way?”

“I don’t know. Something devil may care. It’s hard to say.” They leaned towards each other, sharing bedroom eyes when a blood-curdling scream rang out from the road outside.

“What the blazes?” A car crashed. More screaming followed.

“What’s happening?” They both rushed outside. There where ashes floating in the air as people around them started to disappear.

“Angel!” Crowley cried out as his left hand turn to dust. Horror washed over them both. Aziraphale reached out and wrapped both of his arms around him, only for Crowley to explode into a cloud.

“Crowley! Crowley! CROWLEY!”


	2. High, Low, and Everywhere Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale needs answers and goes looking for them with an old friend in tow.

Chaos. It was everywhere. Aziraphale wanted to run, wanted to scream, wanted to find Crowley. But all around him, there was death. One after another Aziraphale performed miracles to save people’s lives. A young mother and her child had been hit by a driverless car and crushed against a brick wall. Aziraphale healed them both. Up above, an airplane made an ominous sound as it flew far too low to the ground. He ensured a safe landing in a clear field. He snuffed out every fire he encountered and corralled every unattended child, taking over a dozen of them all back to his bookshop. It was three days before the authorities got their wits together and managed to redistribute the children back to their relatives. When Aziraphale wasn’t saving people, he was watching the news.

Something had happened in Wakanda. Some great interstellar war involving aliens and magic. The Avengers had been there, fighting to stop them. And they’d lost. Not much more detail was given nor hope that this calamity might be reversed. Tony Stark’s public relations people were stonewalling the media, stating that the Avengers would issue a statement soon.

Aziraphale found himself sitting next to the humans praying that other humans could return his beloved to him safe and unharmed.

Two weeks went by. Less and less information came out and still the explanation on how everyone disappeared remained shrouded in secrecy. And Aziraphale had had quite enough.

He entered heaven and was met with a sneer.

“What are you doing here?” Michael demanded. Tear streaks stained her face. She was curled up in the white expanse alone.

“Gabriel turned to dust, didn’t he?”

“This is your fault!”

“I had nothing to do with this, I swear it.”

“You had everything to do with this! If the great war had happened, we would have won.”

“And half of us would have still disappeared. Listen, I didn’t come here to stir up old grievances. I came here to help. That many souls can’t just disappear. They have to go somewhere. I mean to bring them back. How did it happen?”

“With a bunch of magic stones and a snap of the fingers, a single man willed half of the universe out of existence.”

“Out of existence? So not dead?”

“They’re not here if that’s what you’re asking. Have you checked with hell yet? You should go there,” she said, mocking. Aziraphale ignored the comment.

“What does the Almighty have to say about all of this?”

“The Almighty hasn’t said a word. Not one. He’s abandoned us. The Metatron keeps stonewalling us. I fear God is dead.”

“He’s not. He’s probably just figuring things out like we are. Don’t lose hope yet. Those Avengers, they’re hunting him, aren’t they? Is there any way I can help them? If they catch him, they can reverse this can’t they?”

“Perhaps. But if Thanos can kill a god and defeat another I doubt he can save the rest of us. He couldn’t even save his own people. There’s barely a hundred of them left.”

“Who?”

“Thor. He’s a god. The only true god among that group and Thanos broke him like he was nothing. He collected these rocks, these stones. I’d never even heard of them before. Gave him the power of a god to snuff out so much life all at once. Including ours. There are so few angels left after everything that’s happened. Half turned against the Almighty are now residing in hell. And half of what was left here in heaven of the angels are now also gone. I wonder how the Greek gods are faring.”

“Probably about the same I imagine.”

“The one thing I find comfort in all of this is knowing you’re suffering more than I am. What was it like when Crowley dissolved like cotton candy in your arms?”

Aziraphale abruptly turned on his heel and left. He didn’t want her to see him cry. Not knowing what else to do, Aziraphale drove Crowley’s car to Tadfield to see if Adam was still alive. The car still smelled of him and it gave him some measure of comfort.

Adam, now a young man of 20 greeted him outside of his home and hugged Aziraphale ferociously. The once Antichrist was now a handsome young man of average height with an unassuming face. His blue eyes were full of hope that Aziraphale might have answers, a solution, something. But he could see Aziraphale had nothing to offer.

Adam confessed, “I tried. I did it before when the world almost ended. I willed away Satan. Made my dad my real dad. The Kraken, the aliens, Atlantis, I made all of them go away and nobody remembers any of it happening except me. I thought I could do it again. But I can’t.” 

“I had that same hope as well. I am so sorry my dear boy.”

“Did Crowley get dusted?” Adam asked. Aziraphale nodded and pulled him in for a hug.

“My mum and my girlfriend got dusted too. I wish I could still snap my fingers and bring them all back,” he asked. He buried his head deeper into his shoulder, but a light went on in Aziraphale’s head.

“What did you say?”

“My mum got dusted…”

“No, not that. He snapped his fingers. I know of a god that can do that too. I need more information. Come with me.”

“Where? You mean, God, god?”

“No, a different one. A Norwegian one. I say I should probably stop and retrieve my flaming sword. I might need it.”

“Wait, I don’t understand.”

“I’ll tell you on the way.” Aziraphale took Adam by the arm and popped them over to the bookshop instead of driving. He showed Adam the book on Norse Mythology and recounted his final conversation with Crowley. Hugging the tomb to his chest, he wondered if their conversation had been serendipitous. He grabbed his flaming sword and then popped them over to the Avenger’s tower.

Except it wasn’t their tower anymore. In the lobby of the newly named, Oscorp Tower sat a perturbed secretary giving them the evil eye.

“Stark sold it last year. They live somewhere else now.”

“Oh. Right. Where?”

“I don’t know.”

“How in the blazes am I going to find Thor?”

“Well, Thor doesn’t live here on earth anyway. He lives in Asgard. Don’t we have to go there?”

“You’re right. I didn’t think about that. If the Avengers fail their mission, I’ll have to do something terrible.”

“Not necessarily. Maybe they got dusted too. But can you pop into Asgard just like you did here?”

“Um, Crowley was the one that was more versed in off-world travel than I. But I can give it a go. It might be safer if you stay here. I don’t want to accidentally materialize you in the middle of a vacuum.”

“Yeah, I’ll go explore the city. I’ve never been to New York. See you back here in say, an hour?” Adam proposed. Aziraphale nodded. “Just make sure you come back and get me. I don’t have a passport.”

“Right.” Aziraphale closed his eyes and thought of Asgard. The next thing he knew he was in the void of space staring at what appeared to be an asteroid field. But a piece of debris floated by him in the shape of a bearded man’s head. Aziraphale floated closer to investigate. Little pieces of Asgardian culture marked many stones. Everything sparkled with gold dust, the remnants of the palace.

“Ragnarok already happened. Oh, thank the Almighty for that. But Thor is still alive. It didn’t finish. Oh, my. Oh, my.” Aziraphale zipped back to New York and found Adam bartering for a hotdog with British money.

“Aziraphale! You don’t happen to have American money, do you? I’m starving.”

“Double-check your wallet.”

“Thanks, mate!” Adam dug the money out. “Want one?”

“I am feeling peckish, thank you.”

“What did you find?” Adam asked as he handed him a weenie smothered in caramelized onions and ketchup.

“Asgard is gone. Ragnarok already happened.”

“Well, that’s good news right?”

“Maybe. Michael said that Thanos had killed one god and defeated another. Thor is still very much alive. If Loki is dead all it would take to complete Ragnarök is for Thor to die. Loki would come back. And then we would see if Loki can resurrect everyone and not just Asgardians.”

“That’s a lot of ifs.”

“Quite so.”

“What if Thor doesn’t die, though? If the Avengers fail to fix this and Thor lives, would we have to kill him?”

“Oh, I’m sure it won’t come to that.”

“So, what do we do now?” Adam asked.

“We’ll have to find out where Thor is staying these days. Do some spying. Find out what he and his friends are up to.”

“Maybe poison Thor’s drink or something?”

“We should give them the opportunity to fix this first. I don’t want to kill anyone especially if it turned out to be completely unnecessary. But how do we find out where he is?”

Adam turned to the hotdog vendor and asked, “Hey man, where do the Avengers live now?”

“Oh, some compound upstate. You can’t go there and tour the place inside, but they have van tours that drive by it. It’s not worth the money though. There’s nothing to see. It was better when they lived here in the city. I sold more hotdogs then.” Adam thanked him and got on his phone to Google the van tour.

“I don’t suppose you can turn my $5 into $50?”

“I don’t see why not. It’s not like I care if anyone in Heaven complains about my frivolous miracles.”

“Could you make it a thousand then?”

“Don’t get greedy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like it. Tell me what you think.


	3. In the Garden, Again

Suicide is bad…usually. Though in the case of a constantly reincarnating god, it would’ve been better for him to cut his losses and start over. The problem was, Thor was not a quitter. It was an admirable trait to be sure, but the god really did need to just die already. And since he had no memory of his previous incarnations or knowledge that everything would be better if he quite literally went away, he spent his days after the snap, moping around while Captain America hunted satellite images for anything that might be of use.

But little did he know that far off in the galaxy, a new friend and an old friend were about to come home to earth.

The reunion with Tony Stark was turbulent, to say the least. But his return was also informative for with his banged-up ship came the ability to track Thanos to his hideout. His old homeworld, refurbished of course.

Hope springs eternal. Until it doesn’t. While Thor was suffering the last blow to his psyche, here on earth, Aziraphale was busy scheming…poorly.

Adam pulled out the box of his mum’s favorite biscuits and set the last of them on the plate to serve with tea. “Aziraphale, look even if we find out what we need to know, do you really think you have it in you?”

“Have what in me?”

“Killing Thor. Maybe I should take the flaming sword back. Just for a while.”

“I can’t. I can’t put that off on you. You’re just a regular person. I’m an angel. Protecting humankind is my duty.”

“I thought your duty was to do whatever God told you.”

“We’re not on speaking terms. I make my own terms now.”

“Az, I’m the Antichrist or was. Murder and mayhem are sort of my thing. And besides, it’s not every day I get to give Satan the middle finger twice by saving the world.”

“That is sweet of you, but it precisely because you are a good person that the world didn’t end. I’ll not corrupt you now. I’ll manage this, should it come to that.” But Aziraphale prayed it did not.

Out of the blue, a knock came at the door. “I’ll get it,” Adam said. He opened the door to find an androgynous woman with a very sparkly eyebrow standing at his door. “Well, hello. What can I do for you?”

Michael sneered at him, the once and future Destroyer of Worlds had been the biggest disappointment in literally all of existence. “I’m here for your idiot friend Aziraphale. And don’t lie to me. I know he’s here.”

“Ah. I wish I could say it was a pleasure to see you,” Aziraphale said in what was perhaps the bitchiest tone Adam had ever heard him use. The fake smile that followed was also new.

“Spare me the pleasantries. I have information.”

“I figured out why the snap happened. We have these magical devices down here on earth called televisions. They’re quite informative.”

“So you’re aware that the Avengers have found Thanos, that they were too late and that the snap cannot be undone?” Michael said with all the smugness of a teacher’s pet.

Aziraphale’s heart stopped in his chest. “What?”

“Thanos destroyed the stones. It can’t be undone. So, Thor needs to die.”

Adam looked surprised. “You know about that?” Michael pursed her lips and did her best to ignore the former Prince of Darkness.

“Of course, I know. I’ve been spying on you since he paid me a visit. So, how do you plan to kill him exactly?”

Aziraphale broke out in a cold sweat. “Oh, well…I guess…I do have the flaming sword.” Producing it from nowhere, he waved it about slightly. He stiffened up and squared his shoulders to say the next bit. “I will do what must be done.”

“Oh, please. Give me that thing. You’ll set the house on fire,” she said. “There’s no way in Satan’s asshole I’m going to trust you to get this job done. I’ll kill the god myself.” She took the sword from Aziraphale. “Let’s go.”

“Now?” Aziraphale squeaked.

“Now!” she barked. The two men jumped a bit. She grabbed them both by the shoulders and in an instant were transported to the Avenger’s compound. They popped up in the gardens just located to the building’s south side entrance near the landing pad.

“You guys have a thing for gardens. Did you know?” Adam asked.

Aziraphale nodded, “I’ve noticed it too. Where are they?”

“There.” Michael pointed to a bright spot in the sky, which appeared at first to be a star. “Aziraphale, I’ll need you to remove the other Avengers while I dispatch Thor.”

“Alright. Where should I send them?”

“Who bloody cares! Anywhere! And wings out. We don’t want to alarm them.”

The spaceship set down and as the Avengers poured out, they were in no mood to play. Despite their disarming appearance, the two fully winged angels stoked suspicion in the battle-weary heroes.

With his gun unholstered and his shield at the ready, Steve spoke, “Can we help you?”

“We’d like a word with Thor if you please,” Michael said. Thor stepped forward with Tony and Captain Marvel behind him on his left and Captain America, Dr. Banner, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and what appeared to be a walking talking raccoon on his right.

“What’s with the wings?” Rocket asked.

“Holy shite! That’s amazing!” Adam exclaimed. He crouched down like he was about to pet a dog, which Rocket did not take too kindly to.

“What can I do for you?” Thor asked. They could see in his face, in his eyes that he was broken.

“Well, it’s a long story. It’s regarding your brother and Ragnarok and…um…” Aziraphale sputtered as he ran out of ways to not say, _“we’re here to kill you”_.

“Oh for the love of the Almighty. You take the two on the left I’ll take the five on the right,” Michael said. Everyone’s guard went up but, in a snap, all of Thor’s friends were gone. Tony and Captain Marvel suddenly found themselves in Orange County, California at a very famous theme park.

“What the fuck? Disneyland?” Tony looked around. Even at his top speed, it would take him a couple of hours of solid flying to get back to the compound. “Hey, how fast can you fly?”

“Faster than you,” she said. Tony smiled. Suddenly lots of little kids squealed in delight. They’d been spotted.

“Um, shit. We gotta go.”

Meanwhile, on the other side of the country. Captain America and the others found themselves in a landfill in New Jersey. Michael had put humans where she thought they belonged.

“Hey, trash panda. Welcome home,” Hawkeye said.

“Eat my ass.”

“I’m calling in a chopper,” Steve said.

Thor’s ax blade collided with the flaming sword. Thanos’ blood was still fresh on the blade and he had no problem adding more to it. But he was surprised by how strong this woman was and she held her own for far longer than he expected. He slowly overpowered her, blades scraping, lightning and fire flaring. Adam jumped onto his back and tried choking Thor, but the thunder god snapped his head back and butted Adam in the nose, breaking it. Michael was losing.

Aziraphale, looked around, desperate for a solution. He found a gardening spade sitting in the flower bed to his right and snatched it up. Thor pushed Michael away and swung again, severing her right wing. She screamed out in pain as she fell to her knees, losing her grip on the sword. Thor swung again, chopping off her other wing. Seeing movement from his left, Thor took aim at Adam, only for the garden spade to pierce his throat from his right. Aziraphale plunged it deep and pulled it out. Blood gushed down Thor’s front.

A look of relief entered Thor’s eyes as death overtook him. He dropped to his knees then onto his side as the light slowly left his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I didn’t want this for you. I want you to be happy. I just want everyone to be happy again. You won’t be dead long. I promise,” Aziraphale said. He took a handkerchief out and dabbed his eyes, horrified at what he’d done. He looked around. He didn’t know how long this resurrection was supposed to take, and then he remembered, he never verified if Loki was dead or not.

“Michael, is Loki dead?”

“Help me! I’m in pain! I’ve never felt pain before!” she cried out.

“Oh…you’re human now aren’t you?” Aziraphale looked her over. She had a couple of bloody stumps jutting out of her back but those would shrivel up in a few days.

“Help me!”

“You’ll be fine. Welcome to humanity. Now, is Loki dead?”

“Yes! Yes, you heartless bastard! Why? What does it matter? I thought you just needed Thor to die?”

“I also need Loki to die, or be dead. I hope. Loki is the one that has the power.”

“Hey, look!” Adam cried. Thor’s body faded away, turning into shimmering gold that floated up to the air. The sparkling display resembled fireflies for a brief moment and then was gone.

Quiet followed.

Adam looked confused and worried. “So…what now?”

“Loki did die. That much I know,” Michael said.

Aziraphale began to panic. “And Asgard is destroyed. There are a handful of survivors in Norway but I don’t know if that matters.”

“You really think the gods of Asgard can undo what the Almighty cannot?”

“I don’t know for certain. I was just hoping.” In the middle of the air about a foot in front of Aziraphale’s face, a little green orb appeared. It spun and glowed and grew larger and larger. “It’s happening,” he shuddered in relief. “Loki.”

The form took shape and what appeared was a bent neck man dangling in mid-air. His eyes were vacant. At first. Then bones snapped and the sickening crunch of broken vertebrae moving in a way they should not echoed in the air. Loki lowered to the ground and straighten his head, flopping a bit. His whole body trembled in pain.

“Who are you?” he choked out.

“I am Aziraphale. An angel.”

“You killed my brother.”

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t out of animosity. I did it to bring you back. Loki, do you know what has happened? Half of all people everywhere throughout the universe are gone. Thanos won. Can you bring them back?”

“Bring them back?”

“Yes. Can you?”

“I…want to be someone else now.”

“Yes, I know. Crowley told me. You always start over. Thor is Thor, a prince but never king. You are different. A man, a woman, enemy, lover, sister, brother. It changes each time with every Ragnarok, and then Asgard is destroyed and then YOU bring it back. You rebuild it. Can you rebuild the rest of the universe too?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never done that before. I remember now,” Loki gasped as several lifetimes came flooding back. All the love. All the death. All the times he and Thor had fought over the throne. And not once had Thor ever actually reigned. Loki chuckled at the irony.

“Do you remember Crowley? Or Crawley? He might not have even had a name when you knew him. He was my friend. He was an angel, and then he fell from heaven and became a demon. He had red hair and yellow snake eyes.”

“Crowley…I do.” Loki looked Aziraphale up and down. “So, you’re the one.”

In the distance, a sonic boom of two incoming superheroes interrupted their moment. The sound of helicopter blades followed after.

“They’ll be here in less than a minute. Quickly Loki, I know you want to be someone else. Do that. Be someone different. Maybe, maybe not Asgardian or Jotunn. You almost broke free of the cycle this time. Maybe try giving humanity a shot. Bring Crowley back. Bring everyone everywhere back.”

“Thor does love the humans.”

“They’re almost here. Do it! Do it now!” Aziraphale shouted. Loki raised his hand, and just as Iron Man and Captain Marvel came into view, he snapped his fingers.

The green shockwave knocked over Aziraphale and Adam both. Tony and Carol got pushed back momentarily and then hovered in midair. They’d seen Loki they were sure of it. But he was gone now.

“What did you do?” Tony demand, his hand blaster up, ready to strike. “Where is Thor?”

“It’ll all be alright soon. I promise,” Aziraphale said, knowing he was not sounding reassuring in the slightest. Tony walked right up to him and grabbed him by the throat.

“You have exactly three seconds to explain yourself or I’ll squeeze.”

“The stones weren’t the only way to reverse the snap.”

“Where is Thor? Did you let Loki take him?” Tony demanded again, on the urge of snapping himself. But a crackle came over his comm. Faint at first in his left ear. Then stronger. Then garbled.

“Mr. Stark? Mr. Stark?”

Bursts of light erupted. Everywhere.

A woman in a yellow sundress appeared out of thin air.

“Rebecca! Rebecca!” She shouted, looking lost and confused. She looked down at her hands and checked herself over. Then more people appeared.

“Mr. Stark!” Peter yelled. Tony dropped Aziraphale and ran to him, embracing him hard. More people appeared and up in the sky came a thunderous boom.

Asgard was forming above them. On the far side of the field, lightning struck the same spot over and over again, shaking the ground. Thor’s ax lifted off the ground and flew into the air towards the epicenter. Thor came flying back. He was changed.

He had both of his eyes again and wore a crown. For he was King of Asgard. Odin had not been resurrected. Nor Frigga. Thor’s hair was long again and his robes were stately. Golden light emanated from his very being and his face shone with the glow of hope and love.

“Anthony,” Thor gripped Tony’s arm in greeting.

“Damn Point Break, that’s one hell of a glow up. Is Loki with you?” he asked, with some concern.

“I don’t know.” Thor looked up at the hovering landmass, which now cast a shadow over them. “My people are repopulating. It’ll take time. Not everyone will look the same.”

“Um, excuse me. I’m terribly sorry. Please, accept my apology for killing you. I missed my friend terribly and wanted him back,” Aziraphale said. Thor furrowed his brow for a moment and considered it. But before he could answer, another bright light erupted, followed by a puff of hellfire.

“Crowley. Crowley!”

“Bullocks and damnation! What in the blazes just happened?”

“A miracle.” Aziraphale pulled Crowley into his arms, and before he even thought about it, he kissed him. They’d never done that before.

“Oh. Aziraphale.”

“You can’t ever die on me again. Not ever.” He turned into a blubbering mess as he peppered Crowley with yet more kisses, forgetting Thor completely.

Thor let it go. He let all of it go.


	4. The Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some smutty times. About 6000 years overdue.

Thor flew up to the newly formed Asgard and walked among his people. Their faces had changed, but some he recognized immediately, not by their looks but by their personality. Sadly, none of them were Loki.

In his mind there stretched back eons of lifetimes lived. And in all of them, Loki had been there. And in all of them, he’d failed him in some spectacular way. But this time was different. This time he could learn from his mistakes because this time, he remembered all of them. What was new, was that now for the first time, he would actually rule. Frigga and Odin were not here, but he did not doubt that he would see them again in some new form.

Everything was restored as it was, and so as Thor went about the palace looking for any changes, he went to the vault to see what was in it.

Gone was the fake gauntlet, the Casket of Ancient Winters, and the Eternal Flame. Gone was everything except for a new item. A chest. And it bore Loki’s rune. Thor thought to open it but hesitated. It could wait. For now, he needed to rebuild. Loki would come, in time. He needed to be patient.

Aziraphale and Crowley dropped Adam at his home in Tadfield, looking on as his mum and girlfriend came running out of the house to embrace him. They got into Crowley’s car and began the 3-hour drive back to London. But they couldn’t enjoy each other’s company until they took care of a little problem. Michael, the once angel, now wingless human was in the backseat sulking like a child.

“No. No. I can’t. I can’t do this. I want to go home. I can’t stand being a lowly human!”

Aziraphale’s face puffed up into a red balloon. He was not going to put up with this. “Oh, please. You’re not good enough to be one of them. You know nothing of humanity. Their nobility, their struggles, their grace…You won’t survive as one of them. In fact, I doubt you’ll ever see heaven again because your personality is so damn inhumane, you’ll probably go to hell when you eventually die.”

“No! That’s not true. Gabriel! Gabriel should be back in heaven. He’ll come looking for me! He’ll talk to the Almighty and the Almighty will fix me!”

“Angel, darling. I’ve heard enough.” Crowley hit the brakes and the car skidded to an abrupt stop. “Get out.”

“Wha—but I’m in the middle of nowhere!”

“Don’t care. There’s a homeless shelter a quarter of a kilometer that way.” He turned his head to look back at her. “Get. Out.”

Michael sobbed as she got out of the car. She shut the door and looked back at them with tears streaming down her face, “Please, don’t leave me here.” Crowley hit the gas.

“Ah, thank you,” Az said, relieved to be free of his former coworker. He reached for his hand and they held them all the way home to the bookshop. Crowley pulled up outside, very much fatigued by the whiplash-inducing excitement of coming back from nothingness followed by a long drive. Well, save for the feel of Aziraphale’s hand in his. That excited him. But he was exhausted and desperate for sleep.

“Angel, would you mind if I spent the night? I’m too tired to drive home.”

“Stay every night.” He should have asked him long ago but had foolishly clung to his old ways for reasons he no longer understood. “You are home, Crowley.”

“I thought you’d never ask.” They entered the bookshop and took the back stairs up to the flat. Aziraphale’s bedroom was cozy but neatly appointed, with far more masculine flare than Crowley had expected. They both stared at the bed awkwardly.

Aziraphale’s hands trembled as he tried desperately to not be obvious about his desire to see Crowley naked. “Right. Nightclothes. You’ll need some.”

“I’m wearing boxers, Angel. It’s all I ever sleep in. I’ll just strip down after I visit the loo.”

“Right.” Crowley walked into the bathroom and shut the door while Aziraphale quickly changed out of his suit and into a long white nightdress with a white cap.

Crowley screamed from the bathroom, “Ah!”

“Crowley! What is it? Don’t leave me again! I love you!” Aziraphale was at the door, ready to break it down. But it opened to a perturbed Crowley, wearing only his boxers. “What’s wrong?”

“I appear to have a vagina.”

“What?”

“A vagina.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that was your preference.”

“It’s not. Not that I’m against vaginas, I just find their plumbing layout to be rather inconvenient.” He paused for a moment, “Did you say that you love me?” Aziraphale’s face went from relief to fear as he nodded.

“I love you too, Angel.” Crowley got close, and leaned in, pecking a kiss to Aziraphale’s lips. It was quick at first, and then Aziraphale reciprocated with a timid but hungry kiss. Their mouths locked longer, and then their arms wrapped around each other. With their hearts pounding and hands roaming, they both knew what usually came next. For humans anyway. Crowley broke the kiss, panting and breathless.

“Angel darling, what is your preference?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’ve never bothered with all of that. Seemed like a hassle, all that maintenance and clean up.”

“Oh Angel, but the rewards are well worth the work.”

“Rewards?”

“I had my first wank a century ago and I’ve been hooked ever since,” Crowley said.

“A wank? Only a wank?”

“Only a wank? Have you even had that?”

“Well, no. I just wondered if you’d done anything else with it, to…anyone…else?” Aziraphale asked, trying not to look so hurt. Crowley smiled at him in that smitten way.

“No, darling. There hasn’t been anyone else.”

Aziraphale let out a big sigh of relief.

“I think you should start with a penis first. Vaginas are more complicated anyways and besides; I can’t seem to get rid of mine and I’d very much like to know what your other sword feels like.”

“Flaming,” Aziraphale said. Crowley chuckled.

“Angel, love. There’s a couple of ways to take that meaning,” he said, but the angel just quirked his eyebrow in confusion. “At least I know it’s not fire crotch. Let’s go to bed.”

They peeled back the duvet and climbed under the covers. They resumed kissing, gently and exploring as 6000 years of carefully built intimacy finally culminated in a physical outpouring long overdue. But as Crowley felt his body ready for the next stage, Aziraphale floundered, knowing he was still missing that key piece.

“So…the penis. How big should I make it?”

“Well, not too big. It’ll be my first time too. Especially with this particular set of equipment. I would say somewhere between a carrot and a cucumber.”

“Like a banana?”

Crowley grinned. “They even curve like bananas sometimes.” He reached up and snatch the nightcap off of Aziraphale’s head. “No more hiding Angel.” He reached down and removed his boxers, tossing them across the room and threw the cover back so that he could see all of him. Crowley smiled sweetly and encouragingly as he let him survey him from head to toe. He’d never realized just how dainty Crowley was until now. “Your turn love.”

“Right.” He reached down and grabbed at the hem of his long nightshirt and pulled up over his head. With his hands still shaking he threw the rest of the cover off of the bed and they both lay their nude looking at one another.

Crowley was shocked to discover that Aziraphale was not as portly as his clothing would suggest. The tailoring of the Edwardian period leaned heavily on illusions and lines meant to make a man look fatter (more successful) than he actually was. Modern fashion fought to make people look as slim as possible and so it never occurred to Crowley to look past the vest and wide lapelled coat. Aziraphale was sublime. And while he wasn’t some Greek god chiseled from marble, he was both lean and soft with kissable skin texture. He ached to touch him. But first, the appendage…

“Darling, I know you are afraid of hurting me but I can handle something larger than this. You can go bigger. I can take it.”

“Oh! Oh good!” Aziraphale breathed a sigh of relief as his thumb-sized penis grew to a respectable six inches.

“That’s more like it. Now, let me show you what all the fuss is about.” Crowley sat up and leaned over Aziraphale, raking his fingers down his chest, kissing his lips briefly as he teased. He looked him in the eyes intently as his hand wrapped about his cock and pumped.

“Oh. Oh! Oh, I see.”

“It’s wonderful isn’t it?”

“I say, I like it!”

“Just you wait. I’ve only begun corrupting you.” Crowley leaned down and took him into his mouth. Crowley’s heart swelled as Aziraphale shouted and writhed beneath his touch. He took him deep and swallowed him down, but he’d barely started moving rigorously when Aziraphale spurted into his mouth.

“Crowley!” he screamed his lover’s name as his eyes rolled into the back of his head and a silly little smile graced his face.

“Was I good?”

“I think I saw the Almighty.”

“It was probably Gabriel being a nosy pervert,” Crowley jested but it brought Aziraphale back down from oblivion.

“Gabriel wouldn’t do something like this. He thinks it’s beneath him.”

“He’s an idiot. And being beneath you will be the most heavenly experience I think I’ll ever have.”

“But I…I’m limp. Oh, I must be a terrible lover! I didn’t even last a minute.”

“It’s alright. It’s to be expected your first time and besides, you can do it again. You just need some time and coaxing is all. In the meantime, it’s time for both of us to learn something.”

“What is it?”

“Well, how to make what I’ve got work. I never did figure it out the first time.”

“I don’t know anything about them either but I’m going to try. I want to make you feel the way you make me feel.”

“It’s rather furry.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t have time to trim. Here, let me sit back. I’ll open things up and pull away the underbrush, so to speak.” He sat up against the headboard and spread his legs wide, then reached down and spread his petal apart.

“What is that little nub there?”

“What nub?”

“This,” Aziraphale got on his belly between his legs and reached out to touch Crowley in this new place. He pressed his finger to it like it was an elevator button.

“Anything?”

“No, but it does feel sensitive. Try swirling your finger, maybe wet it first.”

“Like this?”

“Ooh. Yes. Like that.” Crowley’s breath hitched. His yellow snake eyes sparkled as Aziraphale played between his thighs. He explored and pressed and though not every touch was a home run, he quickly figured out what worked based on the noises Crowley made. Before long, Crowley was sweating as an ache built inside of him. This need, this pulsing pain for a deeper desire that only Aziraphale could give him.

“Angel, please…”

“Anything. Tell me.”

“Can you? Are you ready? I need you Aziraphale. Please. Inside me.”

Aziraphale’s cock had hardened once more from listening to his beloved moan from all of his touches and instinct overtook him that he didn’t know he possessed. He got up on his knees and then grabbed Crowley under his knees and tugged him down so that he was flat on his back. Crowley looked up at him shocked and a little impressed. Aziraphale hovered over him for a moment and the light from the ceiling above haloed his head.

“Give it to me,” he said. Aziraphale laid down on top of him and aligned their bodies. They kissed, sweating, and taut with anticipation as he poked and prodded until he found the entry point and slid in.

They cried out together as a look of absolute wonder spread over Aziraphale’s face and he thrust forward with a brutish flare.

“Yes! Again!”

“Oh! Crowley! Crowley!”

“Yes, Darling! Make me scream!” Crowley’s fingers snarled in Aziraphale’s hair. He wrapped his legs snuggly around his hips as he pounded into him with a ferocity only 6000 years of unrequited love could conjure. For what must have been hours, the bed creaked in protest as they rutted. Time lost all meaning. Aziraphale began to lose control of himself. His wings unfurled and fanned out from his back. He was getting close.

Crowley was on the precipice as well when suddenly he felt another presence in the room. He thought he heard demon speak and poked his head up to look over Aziraphale’s shoulder but didn’t see anyone.

Aziraphale’s thrust became erratic and he pistoned his hips one last time as Crowley clenched around him and they both let out a passionate yell.

But as Crowley’s womb seized in ecstasy, he felt that presence again and looked out just in time to see Loki running at him at full speed.

“What the f—” he passed out.

“Crowley? Crowley? Darling?” Aziraphale shook him but Crowley was out cold. “Crowley? Crowley!”

“Mmm? Wha—What? Loki?”

“Loki?” Crowley moved to sit up and Aziraphale with him.

“Oh shit.”

“What is it?”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying this fic so far. Tell me what you think!


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